


Cancer (Song Fic)

by MyChemicalFallOutBoyRomance



Category: My Chemical Romance
Genre: Cancer, Crying, Death, Domestic Fluff, Fluff, Frerard, Goodbyes, Love, M/M, One Shot, Romantic Fluff, Sad, Song Lyrics, Song fic, Sorry Not Sorry, Tragedy, dying
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-18
Updated: 2016-07-18
Packaged: 2018-07-24 18:38:34
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,594
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7519012
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MyChemicalFallOutBoyRomance/pseuds/MyChemicalFallOutBoyRomance
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Frank is called to the hospital, an emergency.<br/>Gerard is waiting for him...</p>
            </blockquote>





	Cancer (Song Fic)

**Author's Note:**

> I know this isn't a terrbily original idea but it occured to me quite recntly and I had to get it out.  
> So it's 'Cancer' but expanded into a very short fic.  
> I've always loved the one sided version we heard on The Black Parade but I started to wonder about the other person, whoever The Patient is speaking to.  
> This is my interpretation, featuring Frerard.  
> Some of the lyrics are directly ported, some are my interpretation of the actual words, others are twisted slightly to fit the purpose of the fic.  
> TW for death and absolute heartbreak.   
> If the song makes you tear up then I'm not sure you should proceed with this fic.  
> I'm so sorry.

Frank shoved open the double swing doors with both hands and charged onto the ward. The nurses all knew him now and they didn’t try to stop him, calm him down or pacify him; he was entitled to his rage and distress, especially now. Frank made brief eye contact with the young nurse stood by Gerard’s room, looking for some hope or answers; she shook her head minutely and looked away from Frank.  
Frank didn’t knock on the door, he just opened it as softly as he could and stepped inside, closing it tightly behind him. All of his fury and stress melted instantly into desperation and sorrow when he saw Gerard.  
Gerard was always pale anyway but now his skin was even lighter than his platinum hair had been… before he lost it all. He looked more than just skinny, somehow in the time since Frank had seen him yesterday, Gerard had grown gaunt, his eyes hollow, black holes bored into his face. Frank knew then it was true, what the nurse had said on the telephone.  
Gerard tried to smile when he saw his lover enter the room but there was too much pain attached to the gesture, physically and emotionally. Frank saw the love and the agony in Gerard’s face and rushed to his side, ignoring the chair by the bed and dropping to his knees instead to take his hand.  
“Turn away. Don’t look, Frank,” Gerard whispered hoarsely. Gerard tried to take his hand from beneath Frank’s but Frank just gripped it tighter.  
“Don’t be silly, baby. I’m here,” Frank said quietly. He used his other hand to stroke Gerard’s face, the skin feeling paper thin. Gerard tried to protest but it only ended with him breaking down in a coughing fit, each cough shaking his entire, frail body.  
“Water,” Gerard gasped between violent choking sounds. Frank let go out his boyfriend to quickly grab the half empty cup from his bedside table. Frank held the cup to Gerard’s chapped, peeling lips while he sucked in slow sips.  
Gerard nodded once he was satisfied and Frank placed the cup on the floor by his leg. A few, rattling deep breaths and Gerard relaxed back against his pillows, worn out from the attack.  
“You know you have to call her, right?” Gerard said conversationally.  
“No,” Frank said, shaking his head. He wanted to cover his ears but he couldn’t bear to let go of Gerard’s fragile hand.  
“Come on, Frank. She’s alright with this,” Gerard said calmly. Frank bit back the tears, he knew exactly who Gerard was talking about and what it meant. From the start of the terminal diagnosis, Gerard’s lifelong friend, (affectionately dubbed Aunt Marie due to being a decade older than Gerard) had said she would be the one to sort through Gerard’s things, to save Frank the horror of working through a lifetime of memories once Gerard was gone. She was the one who held his funeral plans too.  
“No, Gerard. Not now… there’s still time,” Frank said, trying to convince himself as much as Gerard. A small smile played around Gerard’s lips as he slowly shook his head; he knew and he knew Frank did too.  
“You can help her if you want, gather all my things. She’s doing it to save you but if you think it’s gonna be therapeutic or something…” Gerard squeezed Frank’s hand softly.  
“No…” Frank breathed, not really sure any more what he was denying.  
“Black and red, you haven’t forgotten that?” Gerard asked, his voice cracking just a little.  
“I know,” Frank whispered, defeated.  
“And everyone else too. All my sister and brothers, all dressed in my favourite colours, just like me.” There was a faraway look of satisfaction in Gerard’s eyes and Frank couldn’t bear to see it.  
“Baby, don’t…” Frank pleaded. Frank leant forward to kiss Gerard’s lips but the man turned his head at the last minute so Frank’s soft lips landed on his cheek instead.  
“I can’t, Frank. I won’t kiss you,” Gerard whispered as he closed his eyes.  
“Why?” Frank asked sadly.  
“You don’t want this. It’s not fair on you,” Gerard said softly.  
“I’ll always want you,” Frank’s tone was serious, unwavering.   
“I can’t.” Gerard repeated. “Jesus, Frank, I can’t fuckin’ leave you.” Tears poured out of Gerard’s eyes and stained his cheeks, Gerard didn’t bother to try and catch them and he batted Frank’s hands away when the other man tried.  
“Gerard…” Frank started but his lover cut him off.  
“No. Don’t look at me. Turn away, Frank, please,” Gerard begged between sobs. “I’m a mess, I look awful.”  
“You don’t, baby,” Frank lied as he scooped up Gerard’s flimsy hand again. Seeing his boyfriend so sick and distressed was taking its toll on Frank but he knew crying now wouldn’t help.   
“I’ve got nothing left, Frank. No life, no dignity, no fuckin’ hair; not anywhere, you don’t even know how bad I look under this sheet, my whole body.”  
“None of that matters,” Frank told him but Gerard just scoffed. Making the sound caused another avalanche of coughs to rip through his body, making him convulse on the bed. Frank hurriedly held out the water again but Gerard was moving too much to take a drink. Eventually Gerard regained control and his breathing returned to the shallow, raspy pattern Frank had become accustomed to.  
“Fuck, that hurts. Absolute agony,” Gerard clutched his chest as he spoke and Frank could only imagine the torturous pain in Gerard’s lungs.  
“You okay, baby?” Frank asked, at a loss as to what else to say.  
“Yeah, yeah,” Gerard said dismissively. “Bet you’re glad you never bothered to marry me now, huh?” Gerard’s tone was light and joking but there was a deep sadness behind his fading hazel eyes.  
“I would marry you any day, I always would have, even right now,” Frank said passionately. His love for Gerard was boundless and he wanted to scream it to the world, it was always Gerard who had avoided talking about commitment and their future, happy to live a day at a time.  
“Too late now, honey. You don’t want a corpse for a husband.”  
“Don’t say that,” Frank begged, barely holding in his own tears. Gerard tried to laugh but it came out as a strangle sob instead, fresh tears filling his eyes.  
“Sorry,” Gerard said sincerely and Frank felt like he was apologising for more than just his flippant comment.  
“You don’t need to be sorry, baby. Please don’t cry.” This time Gerard let Frank mop at his face with a tissue and nodded slowly.  
“It’s the chemo, you know. Fucks you up, all emotionally and physically. Makes me feel all fuckin’… I don’t know, soggy,” Gerard tried to explain.  
“I know, baby,” Frank said in response even though he didn’t, he really didn’t.  
“I’m glad they’ve stopped it now,” Gerard said honestly. Frank couldn’t bring himself to agree, stopping the chemo only meant one thing…. and he wasn’t ready to lose Gerard.  
Gerard closed his eyes again and let himself lay back on his pillow, sighing softly when his head made contact with the smooth cotton. Frank stayed on the floor ignoring the burn in his knees, more preoccupied with the ache in his heart. Gerard looked so weak, so broken… how had this happened within twenty four hours?  
“I’m tired, honey. I’m so tired of counting,” Gerard murmured, his lips barely moving.  
“What?” Frank asked, not really understanding what Gerard was trying to say. Gerard sat up again, the feat costing him an enormous amount of effort, to look Frank in the eye.  
“I can’t just hang around and mark off the days as they slip by. It just ain’t living,” Gerard rushed out in a low voice. A tear sprang loose from Frank’s eye and he swiped at it with the same tear soaked tissue he had used to dab Gerard’s face.  
“I love you,” Frank whispered. It was the truth and he didn’t know how else to try and soothe Gerard’s fears.  
“And you know I love you, Frank. But you have to say it today,” Gerard said seriously.  
“No,” Frank protested though it would do no good.  
“Yes, honey. Like you mean it.”  
“No,” Frank repeated, tears flooding his eyes now and blurring his vision. His breathing was ragged as he tried to control his sobs and Gerard just hushed him.  
“It’s what we agreed. You only say it once and now’s the time,” Gerard coaxed softly. Frank blinked rapidly, desperate to dislodge the moisture so he could look at his lover while he still had the chance, to take in everything about him one last time.  
“I can’t,” Frank panted between broken sobs, his chest heaving and eyes running.  
“You can, honey. Say it now, be true,” Gerard encouraged.  
“Goodbye, Gerard,” Frank whimpered, dropping his head to the bed sheets and breaking down into violent sobs.  
“Goodbye, Frank. It’s the hardest thing, you know?” Gerard whispered, almost breathless. Frank lifted his head, unashamed of his sorrow, to look at the man he loved. Gerard smiled at him and squeezed his hand with the last scrap of energy his body possessed then parted his lips. “The hardest part of this is leaving you.”  
The words seemed to echo around the room despite Gerard’s voice being as quiet as the wind. His body fell back, into the white hospital bed, his head flopping onto the pillow.  
“Gerard?” Frank shook his partner’s lifeless body then buried his face in the unmoving chest. “Gerard…”


End file.
